im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
