im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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