the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
