Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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