Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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