And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
