he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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