final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
