I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
