Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
