dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
