I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
