"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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