And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize