We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
