I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize