Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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