I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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