I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
