i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
