if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize