We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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