Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
