So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Found your dick twin last night
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
