So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Randomize
