he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
