every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize