so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Are we still banned from the library?
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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