Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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