A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
