I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
