just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
