Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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