and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
