If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
