You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
It's shark week go big or go home
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
