Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Terrible idea I love it
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Randomize
