woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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