He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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