i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
