dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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