just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
