It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
