I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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