I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize