but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
