Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize