super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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