i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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