We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize