oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
