I wish life had little blips of pornography
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
