Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize