As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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