So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
