I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Randomize
