I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
