Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
