can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
