So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
