I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
