i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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