im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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