I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
porn star boner night. come get it.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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