True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Randomize
