i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Randomize
