yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
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