He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
