I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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