do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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