I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
