i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
