this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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