i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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