I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
