My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
