I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
