I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Randomize
