Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Randomize