jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
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