her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
someone owes me an orgasm
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
