drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
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