i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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