Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize