I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I believe in your delicious
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