My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
