my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
