got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
