Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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