Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
