ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
