dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Randomize
