she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Randomize
