I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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