First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
