I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Randomize
