Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
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