She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
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