now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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