my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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