Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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