My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Randomize
