Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
