her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I need to stop coming to work sober
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
