Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Randomize
