shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
You work out of a Hotel?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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