Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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