so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
