seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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